Thursday, November 15, 2007

Dying to Self and for my Dream

I struggled with sleeping last night cos I was still very bothered with what happened... So much so that I tried to sleep at 11pm but ended up still wide awake at 12.20am. I couldn't take it anymore so I decided at that time to get up and pray. After lifting it to God, I finally manged to fall asleep soon after...

I set my alarm to wake up at 5am to pray. Actually I did it on Wed morning too, but my weak attempt to pray only lasted for like 10mins before I fell asleep again. But this morning I was wide awake. Though my sleep was a peaceful one after praying the night before, those thoughts came back to me again once I woke up. I mumbled my prayer to God once again. I told God that I want to let go of those thoughts and the feelings that are attached to it.

Not sensing a breakthru in my spirit, I decided to take up my guitar to play while I prayed. Immediately everything changed... I sang the one song that has touched me so deeply in the recent past: God of my Forever. While singing and praying, I began to cry once again in His Presence which was so strong even till now to me... I pray that God will takeover, that I'll really learn to die to myself, my flesh. God is my all, how since I was a youth I was so deeply touched that I decided to rise up to answer my calling. And I remembered the word that Pst Zhuang during last week's zone meeting, of how we need to cherish our calling. And the word that he shared this week on whether we have a Dream that we are willing to die for...

I have.

I'm willing to do anything for this dream(s) to come to pass. That was why I decided to wake up at 5am to pray these 3days since I'm fasting, might as well make use of the time to press in to God and sensitize myself to Him. I'm glad that I did. I feel soooooo much better now.

My dream(s) will come to pass, just you wait and see. =)